Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Former Novel

Here's a snippet from a former novel I was working on about 6 years ago or so. Forgive the grammar please, it's my arch enemy, right next to spelling.



“I’m sorry ma’am; you just can’t get in alone. Couples only! Not only that, but you don’t exactly look like your at the right place honey…” The doorman exclaimed in a tone of annoyance. He motioned to the next couple in line to come forward and asked for their ID’s. Normally, Kristen wouldn’t even think about going into such a sleazy club, but somehow her search had led her here. She needed to get in, was desperate to do so and willing to do anything.

“I’ll help you,” spoke the feminine voice from behind her left side.

Kristen turned in question to see who was offering and noticed a beautiful black haired woman dressed in a manner the pope himself couldn’t look away from. Her slender figure filled out the skin tight dress. The dress itself was jet black, matching her hair and pierced with holes up and down the side revealing just enough skin to drive any straight man insane. Her dark colored lips revealed that this woman had more of a exotic persona than could be ignored.

“Excuse me,” spoke Kristen in a confused tone. “Do I know you?”

“You don’t have to, but if you want any chance at getting in this club, you are going to need my help. It just so happens to be your lucky night, because my date turned out to be all talk in the end and so here I am…” The dark haired woman spoke in a slightly seductive tone and at several points in the conversation looked Kristen up and down as if sizing her up for something.

Kristen thought on it for a second before quipping “…and your name is?”

“Falicia,” spoke the woman as she extended her hand in a gesture of good greeting. Kristen didn’t feel right about something, but dismissed her concerns as she considered her other options. She returned the greeting and they shook.

“I’m Kristen.” Their eyes locked in a mutual embrace as they exchanged pleasantries. “I’m kinda new to the scene, so I hope you can forgive my attire,” said Kristen as she displayed her less-than-formal wear.

“Not at all, Kristen. In fact, most of the people here are more concerned with being comfortable, not that you don’t look ravishingly beautiful in your t-shirt and jeans.” As she spoke with a hint of sarcasm a very strong woman walked past them towards the entrance. She donned a black leather outfit worthy of Halloween and carried a leash in her hand that led to a young man. The man wore a matching black leather outfit and had a collar on his neck. She walked him in past the bouncer and doorman.

Kristen blushed enough to cause her to look away. She was somewhat flattered and yet somewhat embarrassed at the truth of the statement, noticing everyone else around her. She was entirely underdressed for any club, even the kind without dress codes. She had heard rumors of what went on in this place, but couldn’t pretend to be something she was not, so she opted to avoid the gothic gear and instead went for just being clothed.

“Let’s not concern ourselves with all of that now though. Come with me.” Falicia held onto Kristen’s hand and led her to the front door. She looked at the doorman and as they exchanged glances, he didn’t ask any questions, but instead stepped aside letting both girls in.

Upon entering the club Kristen had to let her eyes adjust between the darkness and flashing lights. The light show was mid-session and it played tricks on her mind as she saw people around her move as if they were in slow motion. The glimpses she caught of everyone around her revealed more leather clad couples, some of which were taking part in acts she couldn’t quite bare to watch. She had heard of blood raves as a teenager and even considered going with her “bad boy” boyfriend in college, but Kristen was just too… well, Kristen.

Falicia continued to lead her by the hand past the dirty tables, blood stained cups and dark paraphernalia. Kristen held her fear and concern at bay and tried to stay strong for her sister, after all if a place like this couldn’t shed some light on how to track down a twisted kill with blood fetishes, no place would.

As they approached a darker corner somewhat hidden from the barrage of lights and music, the two eventually took their seats. Falicia offered her a drink, not caring what Kristen would prefer. In fact, the drink was someone else’s, gained from a former patron at a nearby table. Kristen tried not to show her dissatisfaction with being given someone’s drink, not knowing what foul substance could be in it. She took it with a look of gratitude and set it on the table in front of her.

“So what brings you to the underbelly of social normalcy?” Falicia looked at her with hidden emotion as if bluffing a foul hand at a poker match. “Usually when people want to ‘try new things’ they tend to carry themselves a little differently than you are right now. Somehow I think you’ve wandered off the beaten path for more than just a good time…”

The corner of Kristen’s lips curved up revealing a slightly embarrassed yet obvious facial expression that screamed ‘you’re right.’ “It’s true, I haven’t been anywhere like this before, but I’m not here for me. I’m here to find a friend of a friend.”

“And does this person know you are looking for them, or are you simply a stalker with an open book policy?” Falicia played with the black pearls that hung gently off her neck just above her breasts. She never took her eyes of Kristen, peering at her with intent.

“Truth be told, I have a message to give this woman, but I’m having a hard time tracking her down. She doesn’t know me, nor does she know I’m looking for her, but I have nothing to hide. Well, except for a little embarrassment given my current circumstances.” Kristen lifted her eyes up and around surveying the room she sat in.

“An attractive innocent woman with a mystery message… I can’t say I’m not intrigued, but you are a terrible liar. I can see you have something to hide and it’s your prerogative either way, so I won’t pry.” The women’s eyes locked in a battle of wits as Falicia tried to draw out some form of emotion from Kristen. “I’ll tell you what, there’s a phrase that has withstood the test of time and its more than suitable for this very occasion.”

“What phrase is that?” asked Kristen. Her brows rose up in curiosity,

“You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. It just so happens I know where to find the person you are looking for.”

Kristen shot forward out of her chair, but soon realized how quickly she was reacting. She caught control of herself and asked, “How can you know where to find her, you don’t even know who I’m looking for?”

“You obviously don’t have any clue who you are sitting with here. You need only know that a girl has her wiles and in the end if I want to help you, you’ll get what you are looking for. So, make me want to help you.”

Kristen returned Falicia’s gaze and began to contemplate her options. She knew she had no reason to trust this woman, but also knew she had no other leads and felt shy on ally’s these days. “What did you have in mind?” Kristen regretted the words, even as she spoke them.

11 comments:

DL Hammons said...

“I’ll tell you what, there’s a phrase that has withstood the test of time and its more than suitable for this very occasion.”

“What phrase is that?” asked Kristen.


TEASE!

David J. West said...

I'm kinda leery of the Vampire like premise but this is interesting.

Stephanie Thornton said...

Hmmm... This sounds like the start of City of Bones. Not that I've read the book, but I've read the first few pages a few times at Barnes & Noble.

Voidwalker said...

DL: I'm glad I was able to tease a bit. I think that makes me feel satisfied that I was able to pull of what I was going for which was an air of mystery and questions.

David: Oddly enough, the setting mirrors an underground culture or movement called "Blood Raves," but the book has nothing to do with vampires.

Stephanie: This works for me, because that means that a great selling novel has elements that I apparently was able to capture. Even though I left off on this novel a few years ago, you guys are encouraging me to maybe revisit the idea and possible finish it.

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Ooh, a little kinky. Very dark and mysterious. I'd keep reading! :)
Click for My Blog

Charles Gramlich said...

Why did you abandon it? What about it doesn't work for you?

Voidwalker said...

Karen: That little phrase "I'd keep reading" is probably the most significant compliment you could ever give a writer. It forced my smile to rise ear to ear. It really made my day.

Charles: Honestly, I don't recall why I stopped writing it. I know I didn't quite have the whole plot worked out. Now that I think about it, it was right around a time of my life where my world was crumbling around me figuratively speaking of course.

catwoods said...

void- nice touch. I found myself intrigued, mystefied and slightly uncomfortable that my DH would walk in whilst reading this passage with such sensuous over tones.

I would definitely like to know more about this novel. (I know it's not done, but still.) It makes me want the cover blurb so I know if I should buy.

I'm always one for intrigue no matter what genre.

Tiana Lei said...

Intriguing passage. Typically I don't like to read blog posts this long, but I actually read the whole thing instead of skimming it, so you kept my attention! I'm curious about what happens next and why Kristen is searching for this mysterious person.

Diana Paz said...

Ohh this is dark but good. I'd read more too!

There's a minor Void shout out on my blog today, in an ode to cheese of course :) The comments are also cheesy, I thought you should know.

Voidwalker said...

Cat: It is on hold for now, but overall it was a bit of a murder mystery + drama suspsense. I'd give a synopsis, but not until I have the plot ready. It had several plot options, last time I wrote anything for it.

Tiana: I don't normally post long stuff, because I know that we all are short on one thing...TIME. So, I'm sorry it was long, but thanks for reading it all.

Diana: Thanks for reading my darkness lol. Now for me to check out your sight for some Cheese lovin.