Tuesday, January 26, 2010


So as you may or may not know, I am employed in the health care industry. I've worked in the administrative or patient service side of health care for coming on about 7 years now, following a decision to leave the computer world of networking and technical services behind. It didn't take long for me to learn that, just as it was in the computer world, the healthcare industry is saturated with funny stories and quotes. In the spirit of this blog discussing issues revolving around writing and reading, I'm going to share some of the funny things I've encountered in written messages between patients and their physicians over the last few years,

So without further ado, here are the quotes, questions and comments that have left me dumbfounded or smiling.

[Moment 1]
Patient: "How long does it take for marijuana to get out of your system?"
Me: "um..."

[Moment 2]
Patient: "I took my wife's birth control. What is going to happen?"
Physician Response: 'Well Mr. _______ you won't be getting pregnant."

[Moment 3]
Me: So let me get this right. You want Dr. ______ to write you a letter for work clearing you of TB (Tuberculosis), but you haven't been TB-skin tested nor have you had a TB chest x-ray in over 2 years?
Patient: "Well when you say it like that, you make it sound bad."

[Moment 4]
Patient: "I need to know what to do. I got bit on my nose by a Bee."
Me: "I'm sorry, did you say the bee 'bit' you?'
Patient: "Yes, it bit me on my nose."
Me: "um..."

[Moment 5]
Physician's Order Reads: "OB wants Neurology to clear the patient before delivery of her child"
Me: "um...What if they say no?"

[Moment 6]
Patient: "I'd like to know if my doctor can give me an antibiotic for the camel flu."
Me: "Camel Flu?"
Patient: "Yes."
Me: "um..."


Mary Campbell said...

I think I have the camel flew too - I seem to be retaining a lot of water. Funny Void. Did you ask that freak why he took his wife's birth control pill?

Mary Campbell said...

Can't believe I typed flew instead of flu. See what that camel flu is doing to me.

Jonathon Arntson said...

This mad me laugh. Hard.

David J. West said...

I have run into a number of people that call WASP's - Bee's.

And I can't believe I have to correct them, "Those aren't bees those are wasps that's why they bit and stung you."

I'm betting you have heard a lot more you can't post, eh Void?

Tere Kirkland said...

Oh, man, that's hilarious!

My line is work is more pathetic than funny.

Candice said...

I think you said exactly what I would, "Um..." Funny!

Sophie Playle said...

Lol! Brilliant stuff.

There's something quite sweet about the bee-bite one.

Stephanie Thornton said...


I like #2 the best!

Bane of Anubis said...

These are great. My wife's got some funny stories, too, but, unfortunately, most of them aren't suitable for polite company :)

Natalie Murphy said...

I love #2!! Hilarious!

DL Hammons said...

Nothing like a good belly laugh!!

Sara McClung ♥ said...

OMG hahaha people are so funny... I hope you keep posts like this one coming.
Thanks for the laugh :-)

Catherine Denton said...

Those are so funny. I guess camel flu is the next big thing.

Julie said...

These were hilarious! Thanks for the laugh today. :)

Kristi Faith said...

LOL My mom is a MA at a community healthcare clinic and she gets some weird ones too. To this day she tells me of the wife and husband who came in together. The husband explained his symptoms and my mother walked out of the room. His wife followed and asked her, "Do his symptoms sound...uhmm, suspicious?"
"What do you mean, suspicious?"
"Well, would someone know, errr think, he was poisoned?"

Voidwalker said...

Glad these brought some smiles to you all, and Kristi, that's just plain dumb-criminal lol.

Charles Gramlich said...

That camel flu is really bad, i'm told, but not as bad as bee bites.

catwoods said...

Ah, the things people say. And don't realize they're saying them!